Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Kitty horoscopes

I was browsing through some other kitty blogs and saw a link to kitty horoscopes over on Leif and Bonita's blog. So, I decided to check it out. Since my birthday is unknown, the Mom gives a guestimate of September 15 'cause I was about eight weeks old when she got me, which makes me a Virgo. Let's see what they have to say. My comments are in blue.

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Virgo: The Kitchen Cat

The Virgo Cat is the near-perfect domestic cat. [well duh...] Governed by the most malleable of all Zodiac Signs, this will be the creature closest to the ideal feline pet. [duh again] Thorough and conscientious in everything this cat sets his or her mind to, the Virgo Cat is a joy to have around...except when he or she is being critical. However, laziness annoys this feline more than anything and any owner who is not up with the birds, preparing breakfast for the Virgo Cat, will be left in no doubt as to what this feline thinks of such slovenly behavior. Physically, the Virgo Cat possesses an intelligent yet critical expression which can create a dismal appearance. [so this is where I get the Evil Eye from, eh?] From behind and in profile, this will be a handsome cat and to those who can ignore the disdainful sniffs and raised eyebrows, this feline can be attractive. With a wiry body and strong, muscular build, this cat is athletic and agile. Most of the time, the Virgo Cat will worry his or her owner to death from continually trying to do too much. Indeed, this is not a totally unfounded fear since, every now and again, the Virgo Cat will suddenly collapse upon the carpet, apparently breathing his or her last. Fortunately, this turn of events does not last long and the Virgo Cat is soon back in action. [well we are great actors] This feline is also a victim to allergies in many instances and the tender skin of the Virgo Cat often reacts adversely to flea powder. To have a feline ruled by Virgo as a family member is something like having a little guilty conscience who will continually remind his or her owners of where they are going wrong. The Virgo Cat is fussy...particularly when it concerns food...and when the supper bowl is placed upon the floor, this feline's expression seems to ask: "Is it pure?" Nothing which comes out of a tin will be satisfactory...nor will leftovers. [I'll eat Stinky Goodness but only the best Stinky Goodness] Only freshly-cooked fish or chicken will be tolerated, and then only when it is delivered with thoroughly-scrubbed hands. It is essential that the Virgo Cat be served his or her meal in the same place and at the same time every day. [so true...] He or she will also react in a negative fashion to any sudden change in diet, and harsh smells (such as air fresheners or cleaning chemicals, for example) will often bother and offend the Virgo Cat. [Other Brats tend to offend the Virgo Cat as well]

This feline is fanatical about keeping clean and may spend more time preening than any other cat in the Zodiac. There are times when the Virgo Cat tends to drive his or her owner to the point of distraction, but banishment to the garden might ease the situation somewhat. Outside, with nature at paw's reach, this feline will forget all his or her problems and hang-ups. Birdwatching or other type of nature study will quickly relax the Virgo Cat, while giving the owner some breathing space at the same time. [outside is overrated. Been there, done that, bored with it] However, it would truly be foolish to expect this feline to catch any mice. The Virgo Cat is hopeless when it comes to hunting and would much rather play than kill. [hmph...I've killed a few mouses in my life. I am a great huntress no matter what they say] Most relationships involving the Virgo Cat are basically shallow. He or she will be too concerned with planning upcoming moves to develop deep feelings, unless the companion in question happens to be a dog...the Virgo Cat adores canines [what freakin' planet is this person from? I freakin' hate dogs. Big dumb drool monsters] and has even been known to prefer dog food to fish. [ya, right. I don't think so]

A dog governed by Capricorn makes the best companion for this feline [again, what drug is this person on?]...in much the same way as a Capricorn human usually proves to be the most sympathetic owner [my Gemini and Pisces ones do just fine thank you]. The Virgo Cat also relates well to those ruled by the Sign of Taurus. If there is no room for a dog in the family, then a Taurus-governed parakeet will provide the Virgo Cat with hours of amusement [or lunch]...leaving he or she with less time to nit-pick at the behavior of an owner. Being intuitively aware of what is needed and more than happy to oblige [ya right...NOT], the Virgo Cat is a perfect companion for the blind and hearing-impaired. It is not unusual to find this feline perched upon a sunny windowsill, where he or she can keep a careful eye on the little feathered fellows visiting the feeder. [and show me a cat who doesn't do this?]
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Hmmm...I'll take most of what this person says with a grain of salt. They got the perfect, smart, and handsome parts right but the rest is something out of a bad acid trip. Me like dogs? Ya, right. And I love to spend my days playing with the Brats, sharing my toys, and jumping in the bathtub to have the Mom give me a water bath. Geeze. I should give the person who wrote this a good thwap upside the head.

6 comments:

Hot(M)BC said...

I'll help ya twap 'em, Ayla! They saided weird fings bout us Leo cats too. Mrawwwrrrrrrrr Where are dey? Let's get 'em!
~~ Sanjee

Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

wow - that's a lotta words right there an we has a kinda short 'tention span, but we finks some of that deserves ta be buried in the litter box. loving dogs - imagine!

Patches & Mittens said...

Momma doesn't believe her own horror scope, let alone one for me.

Patches

Wm. said...

I think you might need a MINE of salt!

Gigolo Kitty said...

A thwap sounds like the right medicine! The cheek!

Leif&Bonita said...

I am a Virgo too! Or so my mom says! I have never met a dog, but I see the neighbor's dog out my window pooping in the yard. I yell: Get a litterbox, you slob! --Bonita