A Blessing

Today, the Mom did the laundry. I hate laundry days 'cause I lose my nice sleepy spot in the basket and it takes days for it to fill up again to a really comfy level. You understand my annoyance, right?

Well, today something strange happened. When the Mom came back from doing the laundry, she put the basket back in the closet and then put clothes and sheets into it. I must've had a shocked look on my face because she said "Mommy has too much laundry to do in one bit so I did half today and will do the other half on Monday. Enjoy." I just couldn't believe it! I don't have to suffer through the weekend with a sparsely filled laundry basket. Oh my. I'm just so estatic I don't know what to do.

Ah, I know what to do! Where's the Annoying one? *prances away to give him a good thwap*

Silly humans

Finally I get to use the computer. The Mom has been hogging the thing up for the past four days doing her animation. I don't know what it is except that she has to finish some kind of project for some kind of festival and it's due tomorrow. All I do know is that she has been so busy working that I haven't seen much of her for the past week. When she is home, she's tired and cranky. I hate it when she gets like that 'cause she tends to tends to forget my Stinky Goodness.

The Dad hasn't been much better. He's been working all this overtime lately that I haven't seen him either. He claims that all this work will help us out somehow. Unless it gives me more Stinky Goodness and pets, I don't care.

What's worse is that with them not home much, the Brats have the run of the house. Not a good thing 'cause they think they own the place, especially the Doofi. Loki has even started sleeping in the laundry basket. The Mom tells me that it's only for another couple of days but I'm starting to get seriously pissed off. Bah. They better give me lots of pets to make up for this.

Apologies

OK. The Mom said I went a bit overboard yesterday in my post about the Annoying One. Bah. She even made me apologize to him. Double bah. What does she expect? I'm tormented by him day-in, day-out, so what do you want me to do? Give him kisses? I don't think so.

Speaking of tormenting, the two Doofi really went off their rockers this morning. They were running all over the apartment, knocking things every where. Boy was the Mom pissed! She was complaining it was bad enough they were losing an hour sleep (don't know what that's about), but the Doofi woke her and the Dad up really early. Hello? Welcome to my hell. What do you think those two Brats do when you go out? They just don't sit there all cute. The Mom should've named them "Destructo-Brats."

An enjoyable day

Guess what? The Mom took the Annoying One to the vet yesterday. Oh it was so nice not having him in the house for the afternoon. Of course, the Mom got all mad at me for gloating. She said the pest had an eye infection and needed his shots. HA! Nasty injections and stuff put in his eye. Can this day get any better?

OK, it may sound like I'm being a bit vindictive but a girl has to enjoy the small pleasures when they come. I mean, this Brat has been a pain in my tushie for almost ten years. A girl needs some sort of revenge.

[The Mom: Ayla's going to the vet herself in a couple of weeks so she'll get her just due.]

Stressed Mom = Bad Thing

As the Mom puts it, it's "that time of the semester." I don't understand what it is with humans and school. They are dumb to begin with and schooling doesn't help. Sometimes I think they are stupid just to go to school. The Mom is a perfect example of this: she volunteers to go to school where she is forced to work constantly and study, endures tough exams, spends late nights writing papers, for what? A "grade." What the freakin' heck is a grade?

All I know is that after this thing called "midterms," the Mom starts stressing out over exams and papers. This, in turn, means she forgets the important things like giving me my Stinky Goodness on time. Also, she gets so full of this useless information that she even forgets my friggin' name. Geeze. Once I figure out how a good "grade" is going to get me more Stinky Goodness, then I'll understand why the Mom does that. Until then, I'm going to keep on thinking that she's completely nuts.

Computer-itis

I swear the new computers are sucking the brains out of my humans. Last night, when I jumped up on the bed behind the Mom, she reached out to pet me and said "hi Monkee." Um. Hello? Do I look like that doofus? To say the least I was insulted. She apologized to me by saying my "fur felt like Monkee's." Don't even associate my beautifulness with that dope. "Felt like Monkee" my ass. She's been petting me for sixteen freakin' years so you'd think she knew what I felt like. Bah.

Enough already

The Mom and the Dad spent most of the day with their new computers. They treat those bucket o' bolts like they were little children, coddling and cooing at them. How pathetic can you get? It's like they forget that those things are not alive and they turn around and ignore those of us that are. Yes, she gave me the Stinky Goodness this morning and my pills, but those stupid humans ignored us all day long. Bah.

So what's a girl going to do? Find her own form of entertainment, right? I walked around the apartment thwapping the Annoying One upside the head. Of course that didn't go over too well with the humans when they finally realized what I was doing, but what do they expect? If you're not going to entertain us, we'll have to find our own methods of keeping ourselves entertained. And I find thwapping Kukai very, very entertaining.

P.S. Both the Mom and the Dad said I can't have a computer of my own. She says she's worried the FBI will come knocking down our door if I was given full access to a computer. I have no idea why she thinks that. Oh well. I'll just have to poop on her keyboard to get my point across.

What's the big deal?

The Mom got a new computer today. She's running around all excited about it. I have no idea why. It's a stupid piece of plastic that doesn't do anything important. Whoopee-friggin-do-da. When I told her this, she said I was wrong (the nerve!). She explained that she does the finances, all her homework, and her animation projects on the computer so it's very important. To her maybe, but not to me. Now if it dispensed Stinky Goodness, THEN it would be important.

I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog in a while. The Mom has been hogging the computer since she got home from vacation. Supposedly, she is getting some projects done for a school film festival at the end of the month so she "needed" to use the computer a lot. Hello? Am I not important? I need access to the computer myself. A girl needs to rant, especially in these living conditions with the seven Brats. Now she's telling me that I won't be able to use the new computer until she gets it all set up, which could take a couple of days. What's to do? You plug it in and type. Big deal. She claims there's more, but humans tend to make a big deal out of small things. Bah. So, I snuck onto her laptop. She can't keep me from voicing my opinions!

Is She Home Yet?

OK. This is getting ridiculous. The Mom better be coming home tonight. I've had it. The Dad just doesn't get it. I have a routine and the humans need to stick with it. How difficult is it? I knew humans were stupid but how hard is it to give me my Stinky Goodness at 7:30am? I don't care if they have the "day off from work" or if they are "sleeping in." Hello? My priorities come first. The Mom has been with me for almost all my life so she understands, for the most part. The Dad? He's too new. I've been trying to train him but he gets so stubborn. If I could get away with it, I would just smack some sense into him but he is kind of big. Bah. I just want the Mom home.

This isn't so bad

As I mentioned in my last post, the thought of the Mom going away even for a couple of days isn't thrilling for me. This morning, she noticed that I was giving her the cold shoulder. I guess to help me feel better, she took one of the old pillows from the Big Sleepy Spot and put it in the closet next to the laundry basket for me. It seems like an odd gesture, but I'm not complaining. It's the in the closet, which is a Good Thing, and it's MINE. M-I-N-E.

Maybe she needs to go away for often.

Something's Up

I knew something was up the other day when the Mom was teaching the Dad to give me my pills, but I was too distracted at the time by him trying to stuff the darn thing down my throat.

This morning, the Mom pulled out the Luggage and started packing. This is a bad sign. It means that she's going away, which is a Bad Thing. When I ventured out of the closet to confirm my suspicions, she explained that she needed a vacation and was going to visit my grandparents down in Florida.

She did say that the Dad would be staying home to take care of us. Great. I like the Dad, but he's just not the Mom. He doesn't know how to keep the Brats off my turf and feed me the Stinky Goodness when I'm supposed to get it. What's worse? He doesn't like cleaning the Stinky Pan. Well, I don't blame him 'cause the Brats make a huge mess but he better clean it every day like the Mom does. Bah. I just hope that the Mom completes his education or else it's going to be a long week.

Stick to the schedule!

We have a schedule. The Mom gets up, she uses her litterbox, and then she feeds me. We do this every morning. Simple, eh? You would think.

This morning, the Mom gets up at her normal time and uses her litterbox. Next thing I know, she's going back to the Big Sleepy Spot. Hello? Did you forget something? I was really mad too 'cause I had been nice and warm in the laundry basket and got up to get fed. Heck. If you're going to make me get out of my spot, you better darn well feed me.

So what do I do? I go into the bedroom, jump up on top of the Mom, and howled in her face. She took one look at me and said "sorry Ayla. I'm sleeping in late today. You'll have to wait" The nerve! Since I can't smack the Mom I just sat there and glared at her. Unfortunately, she's the only one who is mostly immune to my Evil Eye.

I think I need to throw up a hairball on her pillow.

The Tuna is MINE

The Mom decided to make some tuna for lunch today. She gave the Brats some "tuna water" (the water in the can of tuna), but she knows that the actual tuna fish is mine. Not the Brats, not hers, mine. M-I-N-E. Simple concept, right? Well the two Doofi don't seem to get it. They think they're young and faster than an old fart. They may be, but they keep on forgetting that I am the expert on giving other kitties a good hard smack upside the head. They get a little too close to the tuna and THWAP! Right upside their dense little heads. That should teach them seniority is more important than youth. Stupid kittens.

My First Snarky-ism

Snarky-ism of the Day: If I'm howling at the bathroom door, that means I want to be let in so I can drink the water out of the bathtub. Got it?

So?

It's a box. Cats are supposed to like boxes. So what if it's a pizza box? It smells like pizza. You act like it's a bad thing.

What the heck is curling?

OK. What the heck is this? The Mom has been obsessed with this "sport" for the past week and is glued to the TV watching it. She tried to explain it to me but basically it's a bunch of humans tossing rocks on ice to try to get points. Oh my. How stupid can humans get? Tossing rocks on ice? Ha. It's more exciting to watch the Brats toss around the catnip balls on the kitchen floor. Who would want to watch humans tossing rocks?

I do wonder about her sometimes...

Hmph!

You know, all I want is a little warmth. The Mom got mad at me for complaining that it was cold in the place yesterday. Well, I'm sorry but I felt cold and even the Annoying One was crying for some warmth. The Mom says that we should all blame the Dad and some guy called Opeck for us having to keep the heat down. I know the Dad is hot all the time but he's weird. I don't know who this Opeck guy is but if I ever do meet him, I'm going to give him a good whap upside the head. No human should tell me how warm I can keep my home. Bah.

For cripes sake...

...TURN UP THE FREAKING HEAT ALREADY!!! Is that too much to ask for? I mean, I'm seeing my freakin' breath here.

**note from the Mom: the heat is up to 72 degrees so I don't know what she's complaining about**

At least the Annoying One has decided to leave me alone. That's always a good thing, though he was warm.

Oh ya. The big Brat Loki took my sleepy pillow but I took the Dad's pillow instead. It's closer to the heat thingie so it works out for the best. Plus, none of the other Brats sleep there so it's all mine. OK so it's not as comfortable either, but it's mine darn it. Why can't I have the house to myself?

Haiku time

Max the Psychokitty suggested that we kitties right some cat haiku, so here's my turn:

Oh the hellish Brats
Won't you just leave me alone
Go far away please

The laundry basket
Oh so safe for me to sleep
Quiet spot of mine

Not too bad, eh?

Stinky Numnums are MINE

In the mornings, the Mom splits up a half a can of stinky numnums between me and the Annoying One. On most mornings, he stays on his side of the counter and leaves me alone. That I can live with. The past couple of mornings, though, he finishes his food first and then starts going after mine. Nuh-uh. You'd think that the huge thwap I gave him upside the head would've gotten the message across, but noooo...I swear that cat is as dumb as Loki. I mean, I hissed, thwaped, growled, thwaped again, but he still tries to take my food. Finally, the Mom who is somewhere off in her own little world realizes what the Annoying One is doing and kicks him off the counter. Hmmm....maybe if I hit him hard enough he'll go flying off the counter. I got to remember that one.